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The Jonny Dep and Amber Heard case shows the difficulty for victims of abuse to be able to come forward.

The fear of not being believed is always a hurdle to overcome for many victims of partner abuse, especially for men, women do abuse men evidentially not as often as men abuse women. But the numbers of men being abused is going to look much lower than it really is, many men will feel ashamed and often fear the repercussions for admitting they are being abused by their partner.

Admitting to being abused by a woman for a man can within some cultures lead to ridicule, mockery, and constantly being accused of being unmanly and other derogatory remarks sometimes ending in ostracization. Men are often portrayed as the aggressor and the media is often quick to jump to conclusions condemning any man as an abuser when a woman is so accusing them. This adds to the societal evidence that makes many men fear they will never be believed if they speak up.

Believe all women is a common statement that was often seen in the media, why should people always believe women? Women are sometimes discovered to be liars, murderers, and paedophiles so should we be believing all women?

The unfortunate truth is that many men abused by their partner think there is no point in speaking up, they either stay and endure it silently, walk away carrying their trauma hidden from others often without seeking help and support, or end up being murdered by their partner, or when the trauma eventually consumes them, commit suicide.

In my practice working online as a psychotherapist have helped and supported many women who have been badly abused by their partners to start the healing process, it’s not easy for them and it can take a lot of courage to open up and talk about the trauma, for men it can also be difficult to talk about it.

In my experience as a practicing online therapist, men don’t usually talk about the experience unless the effects of the abuse overwhelm their ability to keep it hidden away, usually when the emotional trauma pushes them into dark places. In my experience when in therapy it can be a while before a man can even bring it up in therapy, it’s then usually presented in an off handed way that will make it look less impactful. A kind of acknowledgment it happened but make it look as if it was no big deal.

Fortunately, online therapy can help lower the anxiety involved for men, by only using sound and staying hidden from view it often helps lower any stress and anxiety so enabling them to not feel they will be harshly judged or ridiculed and so more able to talk about their parner abuse.

What Jonny Dep did was show that men can be believed, and you can talk about it and still keep their dignity, it also highlights and puts on show the deviousness lies and violence that abusers often use, living with a person who has a personality disorder or other mental health issues like psychopathy will be life changing especially for children growing up with an abusive mother.

The number of people I have had come into therapy who have been abused by their mother after pushing out their father by accusing him of being an abuser has been quite noticeable over the years, it highlights that abusive woman feel able to use accusations of abuse to get what they want, again, this can leave the man feeling helpless and frightened not knowing how to fight it, after all we have to believe all women, right?

So, the Amber heard and Jonny Depp case being so public also showed what it’s like living with a woman who is unstable, and it shows that a man can speak up and fight back.


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